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Judge Me Not

June 4, 2010

Yeah, I know that’s what you think! I hear it in your voice.

In an attempt to begin paying back a loan I have let go since 2002, I made the first step. I called. That was a big step for me. I’ve let things go for so long due to my addiction that now it’s all very overwhelming. But the person on the other end of the phone doesn’t know all this. She doesn’t realize what a big step it for me to even make an attempt to pay it back. She simply looks at my file, discovers that I have been past due since 2002, then concludes I am a loser. I could almost hear her thoughts. So, now I feel like CRAP. I feel like a second-rate citizen. I feel like a loser.

Nonetheless, I’m going to keep chugging along down the path of recovery and making amends. What that lady doesn’t know is I am an extraordinary person. I have survived and overcome the devil himself. I will survive and overcome her judgement.

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12 Comments leave one →
  1. June 4, 2010 6:41 pm

    Yea ok, and lots of everyone else’s in this day and age are losers too… or are we? I just read this article the other day in the NY Times entitled “Owners Stop Paying Mortgages, and Stop Fretting” (http://www.nytimes.com/2010/06/01/business/01nopay.html?hp)

    You aren’t the only one in America that’s behind in your bills; apparently there are close to 1.7 million homeowners were foreclosures proceedings are going to begin taking place!

    Check this out, M’Dear:

    “The average borrower in foreclosure has been delinquent for 438 days before actually being evicted, up from 251 days in January 2008, according to LPS Applied Analytics…

    In Florida, the average property spends 518 days in foreclosure, second only to New York’s 561 days. Defense attorneys stress they can keep this number high… ”

    (Read more: http://money.blogs.time.com/2010/06/01/the-free-rent-approach-when-homeowners-just-stop-paying-their-mortgages/?xid=rss-topstories#ixzz0puLiXXG0)

    So understand that you are not the only one who’s in debt. Most everyone else is too… and probably for a helluva lot more!

  2. June 6, 2010 2:08 am

    People will always judge you for one reason or another. If you are poor, they will judge you, if you are rich they will judge you. Don’t worry what other people think of you, it is only important what you think of yourself.

  3. June 6, 2010 2:10 am

    P.S. You are on the right path, don’t let anyone interfer with it!

  4. June 6, 2010 10:37 pm

    You are doing the next right thing and that’s all that matters! Nobody can rightfully judge you, stay strong, and thanks for sharing!

  5. peglud permalink
    June 8, 2010 7:50 pm

    It’s close to impossible for the creditor on the other end of the phone to know your circumstances and feel any compassion. They’re probably in a miserable/dead end job themselves, with not a lot of options. However, now YOU have insight, understanding, and personal experience in being judged by external criteria, and I bet you won’t be so judgmental of others in the future. You’ve got to feel good that you are doing the right thing and being accountable. This is practice and a foundation for deriving true self-esteem from within yourself vs from what others think of you. We’re all ‘victims’ of this being judged trap. I feel the stigma of my daughter’s addiction, and am trying to not succomb to all the ‘fall out’. Stay on your path of making amends. It’s the right thing to do, and will eventually feel better. Stay strong. Thinking of you. Peggy

    • June 9, 2010 2:55 am

      Thank you Peggy. And you’re right, I will not be so quick to judge others in the future. It’s a lesson learned indeed. I appreciate your thoughts and encouragement!

  6. July 1, 2010 8:21 am

    As previous commenters said, you took the step to deal with things, you faced it and dealt with it and that is all that matters. If someone else judges you based on nothing more than a file then it is their loss. At least you know the whole story and you know that you are starting to sort it out. Keep up the good work!

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