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Redefining Me

July 29, 2010

I was a drug addict for 5 years. During that time my profile would have read like this:

Activities: Tracking down an Oxycontin pill from a dealer, doctor shopping for Oxycontin, crushing Oxycontin, snorting Oxycontin, Injecting Oxycontin, experimenting with other mind altering substances.

Interests: Oxycontin, cocaine, all opiates, crack cocaine.

Music: Whatever is playing is fine (as long as I have Oxycontin)

Books: Don’t read. Too busy maintaining my Oxycontin addiction.

After defeating my addiction and becoming a drug-free person, I found that I had “lost” myself. I didn’t remember what the “old me” or the me BEFORE drugs was like. What were my interests? What were my activities? What kind music did I like? What kind of books kept my attention? I had to rediscover who I was as a drug-free woman.

Slowly I began to explore myself and realize who I am. I enjoy hiking. I live near the Great Smoky Mountains and have hiked many trails throughout the park. Suzanne has helped me realize how much I love hiking and what a therapeutic activity it can be. I also enjoy camping. I was actually able to camp a few times last summer and had an awesome time. I’ve rediscovered my love of books and have read too many to even count since becoming drug-free. My music interests have returned with a little more sophistication than before. I’m no longer interested in just the popular music but I find myself listening to a lot of folk pop. Of course, blogging has become an activity I adore. I’ve learned so much about myself through other people’s blogs and through my own writing.

But the one thing that has had the biggest impact on redefining myself has been becoming a mother. There is a saying that God only gives us what He can trust us with. This is obviously why I’m not rich! On the other hand, I am filthy rich in love. God has entrusted me with a precious baby boy, now 18 months old. He has taught me more in these past 18 months than I will ever be able to teach him in his entire life. I’ve learned what matters most is love. Simple, genuine and unconditional love is what we are here to give and receive from one another.

It has taken some time but I can now easily complete a profile of myself with certainty. I have redefined me.

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8 Comments leave one →
  1. July 30, 2010 4:20 am

    The feeling of losing who you are is one that I know quite well and I am sorry that you had to experience that. However, being able to redefine yourself is amazing. Just remember, you’ve been you all along. Not so much lost but hiding behind someone who wanted to take over. I am so happy that this has happened for you.

  2. July 30, 2010 7:08 pm

    Great post. You were in there all along!! As for parenting – I am with you on that one. I have two kids and they have made me strive to be a better person. There is nothing better than loving and being loved by our little people. Keep doing what you’re doing girl.

  3. August 2, 2010 3:31 am

    A huge and heartfelt congratulations on five years of living drug free. That’s an enormous accomplishment. I very much liked this post and your honest, open perspective. I know a few moms bloggers with a background similar to yours–I’ll be sure to point them here.

    Best wishes, and thanks for stopping by 36×37 last week. I appreciated your comment.

  4. August 7, 2010 5:39 pm

    You are an inspiration. I may have said this before. I just wish my daughter would “get it”. She is the mother of two beautiful children her her husband is a bumm, drug dealer, enabler, worthless, etc. My sanity is the serenity prayer. It is my mantra. I wish you 100 drug free years to come.

    • August 7, 2010 8:09 pm

      Thank you. It has not been easy but I’m a much much happier person drug-free. I pray that your daughter will find recovery soon. I’m so sorry you and her are going through this. I pray for both of you 🙂

  5. August 10, 2010 3:03 am

    Thank you so much for sharing your experiences with the world. I know that so many people can learn from you, and it’s so courageous that you are so open with your triumphs and tribulations. Loving the blog!

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