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My RR’s

August 9, 2010

*August 10th: Thanks for all the wonderful comments and insights! Some of you pointed out additions that I in fact require but had neglected to include. I’ve added them. Feel free to keep adding to this via comments! I love having your input!

What in the world are RR’s? Relationship requirements and I have several. These are specific deal breakers for me in terms of a romantic relationship, however, some of them would apply to friendships as well. Here they are:

1. Not abusing drugs or alcohol. This one’s a big deal! I gave them up and I’m not about to date someone who is an active addict.

2. Good with children/Either has children or wants more children. This one actually terrifies me because I will go to great lengths to protect my son. I’ve got to be certain that my son will be safe in the presence of my companion/his future father figure.

3. Able to embrace, contribute to and appreciate a large, extended family. Family is one of the most important things in my life and I spend a LOT of time with my family. Either you can join me or get lost, period!

4. Supportive emotionally and financially. Be encouraging and uplifting. Not necessarily wealthy but can at least pull their weight financially. No free rides here.

5. Intelligent. Having a college degree is not a requirement, however, having a similar level of intelligence is.

6. Honest. Why be dishonest? The truth always catches up to you.

7. Christian. I believe in God. I attend church. Period.

8. Patient. Having a toddler can certainly test a person’s patience. I need someone who is patient with my son and with me.

9. Non-judgmental. I have some pretty serious baggage. I’ve judged myself enough. Don’t need anyone else’s judgement.

10. Committed. Either you want a family life or you don’t. If you don’t, then please don’t waste my time.

11. Sense of Humor. I laugh at myself everyday. I want someone who can do the same.

12. Love of Animals. I have a dog. I love my dog. He’s part of our family so if you don’t love dogs and other animals, you’re out!

As a single 40-year-old mother of a toddler, the dating world is tough. I don’t want to waste my time if the candidate does not meet the above requirements. It would be so much easier if I could simply present this list initially and have them sign and notarize it. Not very romantic, but I’m at the great age of practicality.

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12 Comments leave one →
  1. August 9, 2010 3:19 pm

    I’m so glad that you have this list. It’s something that I think all women, and men too, should have. These things need to be discussed before becoming serious, involving serious feelings, and God forbid, bringing children into the situation. It’s the advice I have been giving to all my friends having relationship troubles, because it’s honestly the only way to really figure out what you want and what you’re willing to compromise on. Good for you! 🙂

    • August 9, 2010 4:06 pm

      It’s something I wished I’d done years ago! It has taken me a long time to realize what I truly want. I think you’ve got a big advantage by having this awareness at such a young age! 🙂

  2. sayitinasong permalink
    August 9, 2010 8:22 pm

    I hear you girl…lol… you should NOT compromise on your values with anyone- least of all a partner.

  3. August 9, 2010 8:25 pm

    I love this post. I would only add “sense of humor.” I don’t know…but something about having the ability to laugh together can erase so many other problems and ease you through the hard times. 😉

    • August 10, 2010 2:16 am

      Thanks! And thanks for reminding me about the sense of humor. I totally agree. I was so dang serious about this post, I forgot to laugh! 🙂

  4. August 10, 2010 12:39 pm

    It might not be romantic but it’s smart! And something that I wish I had done. I remarried at 41, a mother with 5 children, the eldest 19 in the midst of serious, active addiction and the youngest 11. We had known each other for 8 years but I never sat down and actually looked at one I needed in a partner. Stupid of me. It’s not all bad and he’s not abusive like my ex. But there are problems and if I had actually sat down and made such a list, I can hoenstly say I wouldn’t have gotten remarried…
    So stick to your guns. In the long run it’s so worth it 🙂
    Have a great and happy day
    Carolyn

    • August 10, 2010 5:26 pm

      Thanks for the comment and encouragement! I’m hoping that by “sticking to my guns”, I won’t be an old maid! LOL 🙂

  5. August 10, 2010 1:26 pm

    Amen to those qualifications, girlfriend!!! Only one thing I have to add to your list which you MUST include…that being, he must love animals. A man who loves animals is usually a person who is tender, sensitive, emotionally healthy, focused on good, and open to God or is already a believer. Add this to the mix and you’ve nailed the perfect guy for you and your child. He’s out there waiting for me and you will have him because God gives you “the desires of your heart”.

    • August 10, 2010 5:28 pm

      Thank you for the encouraging comment and additional thoughts. I agree completely on the love of animals trait. In fact, I have a dog, so I’m adding that one to my list for sure. 🙂

  6. August 9, 2010 4:06 pm

    Thanks so much for linking back to my post! 🙂

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