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The Storm

August 31, 2010

April to June of 2008 was a stormy period for me. We all have those, don’t we? Those black holes that seem to be endlessly filled with absolute darkness. Those frightening hurricanes that blow into our lives suddenly out of nowhere and all we can do is hunker down and wait it out. How do you make it through those times in your life? What keeps your head above the surface?

I’m not sure why I didn’t actually drown during this time. If you had met me on the street, you would have instantly sensed the depression and hopelessness. I was a walking hole of blackness. My soul was empty. I was a hollow person. Combine this with the early years of a recovering addict and you get a dangerous combination. I was sinking fast into the shadows of alcoholism. This was my crutch. I never allowed myself to become sober. I was intoxicated from morning to night.

I had lost my brother in a tragic car accident. I was going through a divorce. My mother (who was in the states, while I was living in Germany) was on the verge of suicide. Yes, this was a storm in a raging sea! And I had chosen to climb aboard the alcohol lifeboat. (Might I add, the alcohol lifeboat has a rather large hole in it and does not come with paddles nor a life-vest!) I was going down fast.

As you could imagine, I don’t really recall all the details of those months. My memories are as foggy as the eyes of a contact wearer after a day of crying. I could not have continued another month like I was going. I’m thankful I did not have to. I was saved by a miracle. Something miraculous happened in my life to pull me up out of the darkness I had been in. Some people might say that it was simply a coincidence. I will forever believe it was God sent.

(To. Be. Continued.)

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6 Comments leave one →
  1. August 31, 2010 4:10 pm

    One Pill,

    I’m so sorry to hear of the loss of your brother–I know what it is like to lose people you love. When I saw the title of this post, it drew me right away. My memoir is divided into three parts: the crossroads (the point of making a decision about changing my life), the storm (the events that led me to my suicide attempts during heroin addiction), and the Phoenix (my triumphant change).

    Of course, I related the storm of my childhood and young adulthood to your experiences. We’ve both come through that storm, though, my friend. We have much to be grateful for.

    Take care,

    Melinda

    • August 31, 2010 7:56 pm

      Thanks Melinda! Is your memoir available for purchase? Just from reading your blog, I have found such inspiration in your words and your struggles. I’m inspired by how far you have come from those heroin addicted days. The “storm” analogy is a very realistic one when dealing with an addicts turmoil filled years. It describes many of my years. I look forward to hearing more about your memoir and hopefully reading it soon.

      Sincerely,
      One Pill

  2. September 1, 2010 3:16 pm

    I am sorry you have been having such a difficult time! It can be so hard to work thru these issues! I know because I am there too! I write about my journey towards healing on my blog. I am going to take a look around your blog, I’d love to have you come visit me!
    http://bernicewood.wordpress.com/2010/07/20/10-steps-to-avoid-mental-breakdown/
    Bernice

    • September 2, 2010 3:21 am

      Thank you so much. I appreciate your comment and hope to hear more from you in the near future. I am catching up on your blog and enjoying all your posts! 🙂

  3. September 2, 2010 4:49 am

    I cannot wait to read what pulled you from the darkness! I am a FIRM believer in things happening for a reason not just coincidence. It has happened to me too many times for me to ignore. My oldest daughter is a recovering addict. She is now 21 years old but still has a very rough road ahead of her. She has hit the bottom about a million times since she was 16 years old, is doing well now but it does not take too much to send her back. The hardest years of my life was trying to get help for her – even when she did not want it. She was very near certain death because of her addiction when I sent her to therapeutic boarding school. I believe that is what saved her life – even though she has relapsed a number of times since she got out. She still manages to get back on the wagon again – whereas before she did not have the tools or desire.

    You are inspiring!

    • September 2, 2010 10:02 am

      Thank you for the wonderful comment. I’m so sorry to hear about your daughter’s struggles with addiction but so glad to hear she is overcoming it. It’s a very tough road filled with lots of potholes. I will keep you and your family in my prayers.

      I’ve been catching up on your blog and love love love it! You have a great sense of humor and your writing is very witty and fun to read. Keep up the great work! 🙂

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