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July 19, 2010

What I miss most about using is being numb. Numb from all of the pain life sometimes causes. I miss the indifference. Indifferent to everything and everyone. Real life can be painful. People hurt others. People can be cruel. This causes the heart to hurt. When I was using I felt no emotion. No pain. No hurt. I was numb.

It is human nature to seek pleasure and avoid pain. No one would intentionally chop their finger off because it would be painful. Instead we sing, dance, laugh, do things we enjoy for pleasure. It is a basic instinct and need. Therefore, when our heart is in pain, we seek relief. In the past, my relief came in the form of a pill. I crushed it and snorted it. I injected it directly into my veins. I did whatever it took to have relief from the emotional pain I was feeling. It worked but with consequences. It ruined my life and resulted in even more pain.

I am now drug free and seek other methods of pain relief. I pray. I meditate. I blog. I share my troubles with family and friends who care and understand. I am no longer numb but I do obtain relief from these methods. By choosing not to numb the pain, I also choose to learn from it. I am no longer indifferent but aware and in tune with life. I am living. I am learning. I am experiencing reality and all the ups and downs that come with it.

Numbness is not the answer to emotional and painful life situations. We must experience the true pain of difficult times in order to come out a better person after it. We must dive into life and feel the pain for that is where we will also feel the joy. If you are an addict or know someone who is, please get help. Don’t walk through life numb. It is the same as being dead. Start living today. Get help.

8 Comments leave one →
  1. Tery M Aldin permalink
    July 19, 2010 5:19 pm

    Hmm… that all depends. I tend to find that when I am not in pain, my mood is down…when the Marfan’s kicks in and my pain gets bad, my mood lifts.

    I guess that’s what most people don’t understand about self-injury. Physical pain ‘helps’ aleviate mental pain … strange though how mental pain seems to only agrivate physical pain.

  2. July 19, 2010 6:54 pm

    No one could have said it better than you just did! Feel good about yourself because you have uncovered the true secret of life.
    People use and keep on using for the reasons you have just described. They have pain (physical or emotional) that they numb rather than deal with. Most of us who have been in the darkness of addiction, kept going with it because we no longer had to emotionally respond to our past or present. We either slept or were high while awake. We pushed everyone out of our lives because our drugs were our best buddies. We were all having “spiritual intercourse” with satan and it just felt too good to walk away. It’s bondage. Addiction is bondage. Satan had purchased us for his brothel and we were forced to keep going even when it didn’t even feel good any longer. Personally, my Rescuer was Jesus and I owe Him my life and ability to put my addiction in my past where it belongs. I now hold on to those things which I learned.
    For those of us who have broken FREE from addiction, emotions are the first thing we become aware of. As is everything else in life, re-learning what emotions are and how to cope with them in a balanced way, is a process. We need to allow the process to work within us.
    God bless you for your awesome success and profound words here. I know what you have said on this post will inspire many.

  3. July 21, 2010 1:03 am

    I know that in the past, when my med dr was trying to prescribe meds for depression, so many of them would just numb me. I did not like that feeling. I guess I would rather hurt than feel nothing at all, as I would not be able to feel the good feelings that would break their way through on occasion.
    Yes, by choosing not to use mind numbing drugs, we must learn to deal with ALL emotions, the good as well as the bad.
    Love what I see here, I will be following!

    • July 21, 2010 11:11 am

      Thanks! So glad to hear that you also choose to feel a full range of emotions rather than remain numb. We cannot arrive at Spring without first going through Winter. 🙂 God bless and look forward to hearing from you!

  4. July 21, 2010 3:59 am

    It’s amazing how often you will post something on the same day I have the exact same feeling. I completely agree about the misconceptions of others. Some people do not understand how powerful our subconsciousnesses can be. Like you said, you would never choose pain over a “normal” life, but sometimes it happens.
    Keep living and getting away from the numbness. 🙂

  5. August 7, 2010 12:29 pm

    For me nothing is harder than to change, even minor habits.

    I greatly admire you for having the strength to turn your life around, and I am grateful to you for sharing your thoughts and experiences.

    I hope things work out for you.

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